Could you imagine?

What if I told you I was not allowed to love you?

What if I was not allowed to care?

That I fought for you everytime, and no matter what I will always be there?

<3

Can you feel the love tonight? :]

There are always those moments in life that are seriously LAME, but seriously the best ever.

Recently a few things that are seriously small nothings have made my heart just smile.

1- Alice in wonderland. Oh how I love this movie. and seeing it with tons of great people just made it better. Though I didnt have much to say afterwards, I was clearly just basking in the afterglow of happiness I was feeling.

2- I am moving on March 23rd! With two of the funnest people ever! It will be so fun and so great and full of many many many adventures. I just enjoy being around Verona and Ruthann so much its insane. They make me smile by just being around me.

3- Being a homework cheerleader. HAHA. Though you are quite a few miles away Andrew, I do miss you. Its nice to listen to you talk about crazy Chem on the phone while I do my best to support your right and sometimes wrong answers :] Makes me smile just knowing that you even will do that with me haha. 

Its insane how just simple nothings can make someone so thankful and happy for their lives. Being able to have these things in my life is so great. So amazing. Though it would be nice, if I could be Alice in real life, be related to Ruthann and Verona, or actually be there in person to cheer Andrew and his hw on. haha :]

Good times.

<3

I've had the time of my life*

AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU!*

Oh man. I really cant describe the wonders of the world that I  have seen in only one week! Exactly ONE week ago today, I was able to be a 24 hour missionary! I was having the worst day, and just was shown miracles by strangers. What a BEAUTIFUL thing that is.

Hermana Williamsons companion was sick and they needed another person for a 24 hour split and she called me! How priviledged am I?! It was truly a tender mercy. I was able to sit in on a very interesting relief society in a spanish ward (and luckily I know enough spanish to get me semi-understanding ha!) and also knock on some doors in which I made a complete fool of myself to one man. Then, while riding our bikes back I was able to witness a true miracle. A guy with a sign on the street advertising a tax company stopped us and said "YO SOY MORMON!" (I am mormon!) then continues to tell us his life story and says he would like to come back to church! 

What a BLESSING!

Seriously, being a missionary blows my mind. It is never about you, it is always about others, there is nothing more important than helping people. How amazing!

These men and women do this FULL time. for 18 to 24 months every single day, without their families, without anything. They give up themselves for others, what more of a personal sacrifice?

What is more Christ like? 

NOTHING.

I admire them to the highest, and they are simply people following their savior. How miraculous. 

Thank you Hermana Williamson.

<3

She knows what it takes to make a pro blush *

Bette Davis eyes has been on repeat on my itunes for the past 3 days. It is just one of those super fantastic oldies songs. Ya know?

School is officially taking over my life and I am not even in my 2nd year! I am really in for it soon!!

I really havent writtin in such a long time, but really nothing has been eventful in my life haha! I really miss my grandpa like crazy and I have never felt so sad  in my entire life or heartbroken.  I have been struggling on some other things, but I am really putting the good before the bad on these things. I am trying to read all of the scriptures by the end of the year and am starting from the beginning.  I am in NUMBERS! yes! haha. I read at least one verse per night and I really try to read more, then if I dont have class, then I read at least one more when I get up and am finally coherent to the world. Its really nice and I think everyone should try it because I feel so much happier and spiritually connected to Heavenly Father by reading His words.

Thats it :]

Take your order cause your bodies like a carry-out.

I cant [[breathe]] without you, but I have to. :[ <3

Today is such a sad day.  Today my grandpa passed away :[

I know as a member of the church it should be a happier time than usual, but I am still just so sad.
He was such a good man and I cant even believe he wont be there on Christmas with me.
To say "see you Tuesday!" or "see y a later buckaroni!" My heart is empty.
When I heard the news today i collapsed, my world was falling apart and I couldnt even be home?
So I am going home to SNOWY michigan to be with my family and help my mom and grandma with this amazing horrid loss tomorrow.  I am going to be a mess. I dont know how to really handle this, ive had many people die in my life, but this is my grandpa. The man thats always been there for me and always said I Love You at the end of our phone calls and is always suprise to see me.  Who I used to eat the BIG frosted mini wheats with in the soup bowls in the morning when I stayed with my grandparents. 

This is going to hard Lord. I really need you now.

<3 RIP grandpa Robert Hill 12-19-2009

memoirs of a modern female

Think back think back to the summer time
I would cross through these state lines
You were always on my mind

Wow. Looking back sends me on a TRIP

What was it like when I was younger?  I was always hurting. I was never truly happy.  I just tried to find ways to concur my hurt.  I went through times that I wish I couldnt remember.  I saw things I would kill to erase from my memory.  All of these things, but somehow here I am now.  3 months early at birth with a 2% chance of living? Yet here I am today.  Stronger then ever.  I have made mistakes.  Horrible mistakes. But thats not who I am anymore.  Ive become someone I am proud of.  Someone I can look at in the eye when I look in the mirror.  

For a long time I could look at myself in the mirror, but I could never look myself in the eyes.  Why?  I have no idea. I didnt want to face what lay beyond them?  I was ashamed?  I was scared?  All of the above? Most likely.

When I look back, i cant believe that person even existed.  but I am deep inside glad she did.  Glad I was able to make those mistakes and hurt those people.  If I hadnt, i wouldnt be who I am today, wouldnt have learned or helped the people I am now able to.

I am a new person and it all started July 18, 2009.  A day i couldnt ever forget. Coming out of that water I felt weightless, like everything that i had ever worried about or seen or been hurt by was gone.  I was a legit new person.  The old me was drained along with that warm baptismal water.  I look back on my life now with a purpose.

No longer just a big question mark.

How do you look back on your life?

:] 

Beware *

Caution: I am not like other girls.

I am crazy

I am BOLD

I am innocent

I am mature

I am scared

I am nervous

I am faithful

I am strong

I am full of love

What are you? What sets you apart? Makes you unique? There are so many things I am dying to say, words cannot even suffice.

What a wonderful year this has been in my life.

2009 - the year of changing times.

I have been caught up with so many things these past few months.  Ive gotten into church so much and so hard that I just couldnt imagine my life without it.  Its like everynight I am doing something with people I love.

I have new amazing roomies.

I was able to go on a couple dates with a boy and not be scared haha. thats a step in the right direction! Nahh. this boy is a great person and I am very thankful I have had the chance to get to know him.

I am trying to be an example. I actually shared my testimony in church yesterday.  I cried. I felt the spirit. I thought my heart was beating so hard my chest would fly off. I talked about my family. I said how I know they can see my happiness and they know I am in love with this gospel. 

how could I not be?

I LOVE BEING A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

<3