Im sitting here.

I am sitting here CRAZY

thinking that this is possible is insane. 650 days?

How can that last? No way.

Its impossible.

No matter how much I like you. This is crazy.
I am crazy.
This cant happen.
we cant happen.
Im sorry.
I have to move on.
I have to be strong enough to let go of this dream.

I [[love]] this.

I want to take you out on a date 

I don't care if it's in the day or at night. 

 I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are, 

inside and out

I love my friends. My BFFE, my Beffy, and my BFF's

I have had the most amazing past few days. 

I was totally lost and confused, and just wreck for a few hours.

STUPID OPPOSITION

Its something I cannot escape and therefore will face

head on, head strong. <3

I love how certain people are just dropped into my life, as if they were little puppets dropped into my stage by God. As if he is controlling how every move we make is done and executed.

Whats crazy is,

HE IS.

I love it. I love THIS. 

I LOVE THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST

<3

Why am I so lame? :]

HAHA

I dont know why I was so nervous.

I am not nervous about dating, but nervous about feeling something for anyone but him.

Its such a scary thing, I havent felt anything for anyone since ive met him, since hes captured my smile. Taken over my happiness

He had me at 'Hello'

I know that this seems crazy and unrealistic, Everyone tells me that I need to be dating and figuring out that type of person I want to marry and crap.

I already know. Its him.

He is the only one I can feel anything for and i dont know why. I wish i could stop it because the fact that hes going to be gone for another 660 days kills me inside. Its like a broken heart. but worse because you know he likes you too, but the distance and circumstances kill it. Its like being stabbed multiple times in the chest by your closest friend or family member. It hurts SO bad. but you know that they still love you, as well as you them.

Ive never missed him this bad.

Its because I know we have a chance

a chance to be together

a chance to fall in love.

<3

Could [[you]] be my hero* <3

Things might take a wild turn of events here ladies and gents.

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I cant do this. I dont know how to like boys.

I dont know how to show affection to people in this way.

Why does he have to be so cute and charming and mormon?

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CRAP.

This is it. I cant let opportunities like these just breeze past me.

I am going for it.

If I jump and fall then so be it, If I jump and land, then thats what has to happen.

Its on.

Life has begun.

[[LOVE]] <3*

I need to come to realize that he's just a guy. A special one maybe,
but he's not mine. I don't need to do things to make him love me,
if he wanted to,
he would.

This is it. This is the truth. I am in love. Its not with you.

I dont know if you feel it too

I love you.

You can put a smile on my face with just a simple hello

When you are around the good me is all that shows

You change my heart and you change my soul

I just want you to know.

You dont have to say you love me, thats not what i am looking for or want.

I want you to realise that shes not all I got. I know your far away right now, but please just dont forget.

How you felt that very first day that we met.

<3

Its now or [[never]] <3

So. My first blog.

I am in California, 20 miles away from these crazy fires! 

I love it here though. I have finals next week then finally a break and off to MEXICO!

You think someone is so amazing and incredible. You really begin to like them.  But its against everything. Its against what youve ever believed in. How can it be so wrong? The attraction is there. Its REAL feelings. Its not something you can make up. 

Then again

You can think about how much your stomach hurts for so long it eventually starts to hurt.

You can think yourself into having a headache.

Can you think yourself into attraction?

Is it possible that these things are false when they feel so real?

Its said He loves all of His children. is that true? because I am feeling He is only loving half.

Half of me. The half I show to the world.

The half I really want to be and try to be.

The good half.

but then theres another part of me. Another person I try not to be.

This person comes into my head when I sit here and think too long and try so hard to move on.

How do things like this happen? I was doing so good.

"When creative people get bored they think and do bad things"

This is what describes me. I dont know what to think or do anymore.

I love Him so much, but what are these feelings?

Where are they coming from?

Why are they here?

Why wont they go away?